And no, it’s not James Corden - he’s being kept in just the comedy slots and away from the grown ups. No, the real menace to the World Cup is this man: Jim Beglin.
Jim Beglin, and his faithful cohort Clive Tyldesley, are ITV’s first-choice pairing for football commentaries; Tyldesley’s shortcomings are well known (“that night in Barcelona”, etc.), but his lightweight commentator status could at least be bearable if he had the reassuring guiding hand of a seasoned pro next to him.
But instead, we have Jim Beglin. A man with a voice only marginally less annoying than David Pleat’s, and an astonishing lack of thought or nous in his.
My own personal awakening to how awful a commentator Beglin is surfaced a couple of years ago, when Arsenal lost at Anfield in the Champions League; after Liverpool scored from a dubious penalty to make it 3-2, Arsenal threw everything at Liverpool for an equaliser, before Ryan Babel finished off on the counter-attack with a fourth goal in injury time. Beglin promptly pronounce that Arsenal could have no complaints with the disputed penalty, as the winning margin was now two goals not one.
No Jim. Had the penalty not been given, Arsenal would have been content with the draw and the away-goals win, and would not have pushed ten men forward to let the fourth in. You idiot.
The odd slip of the tongue is forgivable, but Beglin’s style of commentary is nothing more than that of the dreadful pub bore. He is forever telling us how a player should have done it when they don’t quite make the right shot or pass, in that “if I’d done that” tone; if ever a manager needs a breakthrough, Beglin will say they need a “Plan B” without ever detailing what Plan A is and where it’s going wrong. Failing that, he’ll just give us a howler by insisting completely the wrong decision - such as Drogba’s not-over-the-line shot in this year’s FA Cup Final.
It’s worth bearing in mind of course, how little experience Beglin has of the contemporary game. In fairness, he won the Double at Liverpool in 1986, before having his playing career ended early by injury. But we should not be sentimental about his lack of playing experience at the top level - plenty of young footballers have their careers ended early, and this does not qualify them for a media career. Beglin has fewer than 100 top flight appearances and a single season of European football to his name. Moreover, he has never coached, let alone managed, at any level in the game. As far as I am aware, he doesn’t even possess coaching certificates.
Since his retirement in 1990, Beglin has not been involved in playing or coaching football. That’s 20 years - during which time the game has been revolutionised, and yet he is hailed as ITV’s foremost expert on the game. Popping up on screens, this washed up former left-back deigns to tell us what Pep Guardiola’s “Plan B” should be. How has this man got into this position with so little talent or experience?
Despite widespread loathing of the man (Twitter is a useful barometer), we’re stuck with him for the tournament. Short of turning the volume off (difficult when it’s not your ) - the only thing I can suggest to numb the pain is a Jim Beglin drinking game - a finger or a shot every time he says something stupid. Sadly that may mean me not lasting the first half, let alone the entire 90 minutes…
